post title

wow, last post of this blog was in 2019.

never forgot about this blog; but i think i have too many or maybe too little things to share it here.

reading back previous posts i notice i could hardly recall those anonymous mentioned in them anymore. i cant solve the riddle set by myself now.

updates about myself;
im back in a town that i was here 10 years ago-kota kinabalu for works.
works have been amazing although sometimes the responsibility is abit too much to bear.

so many things happened;
till extent that i at times look up the sky and start asking; why me?

well i guess asking why wouldnt resolve the problems. probably i should ask how to go about this, now?

will be back with a better me!

destination

hello world,
Looking back the last post i shared, roughly about 18 months ago,
have passed 2016 and 2017 in between.

so many events took place in this period to the extend I don't know what to jot down right now.

life has been quite regular, its about work, go home, rest and work again,
some major incidents in the interval which i cant share it happily here.

changes have been inevitable, for instance;
the person that i got to know for a long time, started to doubting what he/she used to do and is becoming someone i am not so familiar (sometimes)
the person that i dont expect myself to be close with, nowadays we enjoy some off work talks on the way back to get our wheels
the chronology which i thought that should be able to be as what planned before i started to work, didnt turn out to be in its way.
im bearing some physical burden which i didnt predict to come this early

time slips even if we are not aware of it, and it becomes meaningless if you dont extract the lessons time is trying to get.

what i want to tell you or to myself at the this moment,
i am trying to hard to retain some faith in my self and future,
i am not ready for anymore abrupt changes
i am still hoping plans work, although im not the ultimate planner of my life

so many by-passers along this journey, some stay many leave, and there are always some people that i wish i can be better companion for them in their journey too,
unfortunately, most of the time i couldnt.


going to turn one year older tomorrow.

see you soon!

life with responsibility

hi~~~

have been away from way too long,
was always thinking to open up lappie to write something but ended up sleeping earlier than i should.

i have been burying myself in working life for 4 months now,
living a life full of resposibilities,
be responsible for what i write
be responsible for what i say etc etc

no longer as "care-free" as a medical student, can simply bluff whats in my mind.

sometimes i worked until like my soul is out of my body,
there is occasions i really enjoy my work alot,

but people around tend to forget health care workers are just a body with flesh and blood like them,
we will feel tired, feel sad, feel agitated and can be moody as them.


world would be a better place if we can actually walk in each other shoes from time to time.



btY

later half

so many things happened in short time,
in an unexpected speed. but i am so joyous that my prayers answered.

i have got myself a job in a desirable place, journey ahead may be challenging but i wont be alone.
things and time will pass no matter is difficult or is easy.

quiet places is really useful for self reflection at the right time.
realized i have been doing many wrong deeds out of sudden.
too many chaos, too many flaws.
contradicting my usual confidence on my own judgement.

i dislike being judgmental but cant avoid totally for being it.
the good side would be i noticed it and will try to correct it.

we are just mortals and slaves of realities.

however, i adore twenties.

plenty first times occured, happening and going to take place!


to myself, brace yourself and strive for a better self.

 for the me in the past, i would not alter anything along the path you walked through, not that it is perfect, not at all, but i appreciated what happened and all your efforts gracefully!


positively, btY 

breathless

Planning a trip or journey needs skills, efforts and studies.
even in our daily lives, we have so much to plan everyday.
i always believe things go in plan gives out much more security although some people tend to like surprises and handle the unexpected.
and thats also why i also in faith that Backup Plans are crucial.

for instance, prior to leaving a restaurant i dislike at the first sight, i should have a place in mind where to go next. or prior to resigning, one should find another new job beforehand.

but i heard the same sentence from two different people last week.
" I dont have a backup plan"
for me, when someone still has to put what is going on to a halt without knowing whats going to happen next signifies helplessness and clueless.
the circumstance is to an extent that he/she not able to plan anything further.

and so im going to apply for hospital placement next week.
with uncountable uncertainties:
is there enough allocation?
would i get the only hospital i have always wanted?

as much as i realize the importance of backup plan,
this time around i dont know what to do next.
i cant predict how to curb if i cant the place i want, how long i have to wait if i dont get a job this time.
i should as well tell if i were asked whats my next step--
"I Do Not Have Any Backup Plan This Time".



with Faith, the only helpful thing left in this predicament.
i hope i would be happy with whatever comes next week.



talk again.

btY

Puzzling

recent routine lifestyle has been so stable until I thought I'm becoming numb to sentiments.

Regular sleep wake cycle, planned chores daily, same errands, in fact I started to get used the life of leaving school and without gang around.

Resilience isn't something easy to gain, attended a farewell for a friend off to work somewhere soon. Full of emotions, we don't get to meet each other often because we studied in different university, we don't hang out together frequently, we got to meet like twice or thrice the most per year.

But we Were still like the old time in matriculation college, we reminisced the past with lots of laughters, we shared some same topics because we taking same degree. And time passed just like that, we have 6 years of friendship from one year of study programme.


I can't anticipate what happen in the future, but I guess working life would space the meetings even further.

And I'm not a fan of saying goodbyes to those that I don't know when would I see them again.

I'm a little bit emotional to pick up routine lifestyle again.



btY

half of a decade.

so hi!
i am officially at the end of my undergraduate studies. have been disappearing from here during hectic revision weeks.

it was not easy to integrate and revise all things learned within 3 years to apply in an examination.

but i hope eventually all of the people with me would be able to get this through smoothly.

final few weeks being in the university made me think a lot, i recalled the scenes the first day i arrived in the university, the time i got to know some people that now became people that i dont even want hear their names, the changes that i have had; either into good way or another around and how should i deal with peoples.

i remember the weather was windy and rainy on 11/7/2010, the first day i went to UPM, and i was told inside my father car there was another rain on my family's way back.

one thought that kept coming through my mind during these revision weeks was that, at the end i should not be hating anyone/anything i dislike anymore; just remind myself i would not become people like them in any phase of my life.
with such thought, i now see things more clearly, i argue less, i am not agitated when people around me talk and behave in the ways i dislike, i just calm myself and remind myself dont behave like how they do.

5 years sound long but i am sure journey ahead is much more challenging and eventful.
i dont know what will happen but i leave lots to my belief and faith.
i am just nothing no more than an ordinary person after all.

in this half decade, i am so grateful to be equipped with basic hard and soft skills to venture into medical field. i cant be thankful enough to all the patients that had been there to provide me with knowledge and experience that i might not have to chance to encounter if not from them. i appreciate people that came and left leaving me lots of precious "social lessons".

i guess i would trim my past 5 years journey in a more planned way and correct some major mistakes that i have made if i were given a chance to.
but sometimes flaws are good reminders for better future.



i am officially an unemployed person too. jobless!


hat, btY